Getting What You Want in 2012

GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN 2011 –

A PLAN FOR CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR

"All you need to know is the future is wide open and you are about to create it by what you do.” Pema Chodrin

‘The Best Buddhist Writings 2008’

Are you happy? We all have different ideas about what makes us happy, so I won’t go into them, but I believe most people want happiness. The problem is – most people aren’t happy. Many of us have aspects of our lives that we would like to change, but we avoid making the decision to let go of the behaviors that stand in the way. Or we don’t want to expend the effort necessary to achieve the goal – it seems too hard. Sometimes the results of not changing our behavior can be devastating, causing us to lose the things and people we value most. Is this what you want for yourself? Is it worth risking your birthright ‘happiness’ by not changing your behavior?

Behaviors are learned therefore they can be changed. Some behaviors are easier than others to change, but it can be done. The first step is to want to change. You must begin by setting the intention to change. No matter what it is you want to change – you must know, in your bones that the current behavior isn’t working to achieve your goals and be willing to take action.

Taking action is the next step in changing behavior patters. This involves putting an action plan in place to follow and then begin to follow the plan, tweaking it along the way. If you need help with the last step, there is plenty of guidance available in books, on the web or by hiring a professional to assist you.

The point is to put a plan together that you will follow. It should be doable and have easy steps. I find it helpful to write out my plan and obtain support from a friend or group of people.

The support of others is the key to keeping your motivation high. Sometimes we begin a plan with lots of enthusiasm only to see it wane weeks later. Get the support you need to achieve your goals. Join a group of people with similar goals or ask someone for help who has your best interest at heart and will be a cheerleader for you. Do not enlist the help of doom and gloom people.

Once you have begun working your plan start paying attention to the changes you see in yourself and how others are responding to your new behavior. It may take several months to notice improvement but it will happen. You must keep going – you will find that after several months of your new behavior it will be easier to stay the course. We are told that it takes 21 days to change a behavior – I believe it is longer, but the point is to keep on going and to seek the help you need when you feel it is warranted.

I had a client who wasn’t sure what she wanted to do concerning her career. The issue surrounding her career spilled over into her marriage, causing sever problems. She came to me to help her sort it all out.

In our first meeting her career wasn’t mentioned. She thought the problem was her husband. Although she loved him – something was missing. After several sessions we finally got to the real issue – she wasn’t happy in her job as a book keeper. She had always wanted to be an elementary school teacher but never had the money to go to school. After her marriage, money was still limited, so she obtained a job at a book keeper for a local company. This was more than 10 years ago. The dream was buried but it wasn’t dead.

We devised a plan for her to go back to school and get her credentials as a teacher. We looked at the impact on the family both financially and emotionally in devising the plan. We both knew that for the plan to work – her husband and kids would have to be on board. She received the support of not only her husband and kids but also her extended family. She is now in a teaching program and should be in a class room teaching with in the next two years. She has found her joy again and her marriage is much better.